Stumped...

You know…I’m amazed at what I have…what I’m privileged to have…yet, I so often take advantage of those amazing things…

I think I can get so wrapped up in the things that don’t make sense, the things that maybe don’t go the way I’d like, and well, I begin to think that I am not the lucky person that I know I am…

Hmmm…

I love life…I love and appreciate all the beautiful things and people that I am privileged to have...to know...thank God for my husband...my sisters...my mom and dad...my friendships...

Another thought...

Happiness is what you make it right? Even a starving, homeless child can be happy; despite his or her dire circumstances…I suppose it’s the choice we all make…Even though there is no hope around them, they CHOOSE hope because that really makes life worth living...

I’m amazed by people’s emotions, I am stumped by my own at times…

Life is indeed a mystery, but an amazing one at that…

Consuming...yet again...

So yesterday was just a bad day all around...usually Fridays are good; I think though I was just tired of working, tired of reading the news, and tired of my consuming thoughts...they puzzle me from time-to-time. I don't understand sometimes why I think the way that I do. Perhaps it's controllable? I don't really know...I once read a book by Joyce Meyer called the Battlefield of the Mind. It was a good book, but I can't seem to ever get it right..I've followed that book with selections written by Max Lucado and other inspirational authors...I read them with good intentions...attempting to pull from them what the author intended for readers to...yet many times, the words they write are a jumbled mess...not that I don't understand them...just that they consume my thoughts even more. Am I doing the right thing? Do I understand what it is the author, or God for that matter, is trying to tell me? Most of the time I don't think I get it right, but I do try...I still want to try...

The thing of it is...I want to matter, not to people, but matter to the One who has made me the way that I am...I lack in so many things, but God fills in those gaps...He gives us hope when we don't have it...He gives us faith when we lack it...He gives us patience when we have nothing left...He fills us up when we are empty...and He loves us even when we don't love Him back...

Amazing...consuming...

Consuming...

I am very consumed today with sadness…stress maybe…I don’t know…I read about all of the billion tragedies in the world, and it just drags me down…way down…

I don’t get it really…I don’t understand…I want to help, but there is so much to do…and so little time…

Oh God…please take my thoughts from me…

Invisible Children

Check out the website to a film called Invisible Children; it's a documentary telling the story of some remarkable children in Uganda...

"What started out as a film-making adventure in Africa, transformed into much more, when the three young American’s (Jason Russell, Bobby Bailey, and Laren Poole) original travels took a divine turn, and they found themselves stranded in Northern Uganda. They discovered children being kidnapped nightly from their homes and subsequently forced to fight as child soldiers. This film is dedicated to exposing this tragic and amazingly untold story.

Even at this moment, in Uganda, Children as young as 8 are methodically kidnapped from their homes by a rebel group called the “Lord’s Resistance Army” (LRA). The abducted children are then desensitized to the horror of brutal violence and killing, as they themselves are turned into vicious fighters. Some escape and hide in constant fear for their lives.

Most remain captive, and grow to maturity with no education other than life “in the bush” and fighting in a guerilla war. Of the many ramifications that a 20 -year-long war can cause, the film “Invisible Children: Rough Cut” highlights what the community refers to as “NIGHT COMMUTERS.” We watch thousands of children “commute” out of fear, from their villages to nearby towns each night in order to avoid the LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army) abductions. They sleep in public places, vulnerable, and without supervision.

This film focuses in on four young boys: Jacob, Thomas, Tony, and Boni. Through their eyes, we relive the terror of abduction, courage of survival, the heartbreak of losing a brother, and the innate joy- found only in a child. The three filmmakers (Jason, Bobby, and Laren) were amazed to find many things in common between these kids and kids in America, themselves included.

As the three left Northern Uganda, they were appalled by what they had seen, and yet, in awe of the resilience and hope they found in these children, and this community. The filmmakers thought: How could such an atrocity exist for such a long time, without the world knowing?

Believing that the “invisible children’s” story could inspire others to do something, as it did them, they created a documentary, which we now know as the “Invisible Children: Rough Cut”. They originally screened the film in June 2004 for friends and family and soon expanded to high schools, colleges, and organizations. After audiences viewed the movie, one question repeatedly surfaced, “what can we do?” And so, a nonprofit was birthed out of a film.

Startling Facts: The United Nations estimates 300,000 children under the age of 18 are currently fighting in conflicts around the world and hundreds of thousands more are members of armed forces - either being trained for combat or used as laborers.

Physical, sexual and emotional abuse is commonplace. Most of these children were forcibly conscripted or abducted by fighting forces to become instruments of war, to kill or be killed. Without exception, the experience has devastating effects on their physical, psychological, and intellectual development."

Consuming Passion...

Sometimes I think there are SO many things that bog us down that it's extremely hard to understand where our focus should be...I mean think about it? There are countless causes...never-ending efforts to end wars, famines, and poverty...but how do you choose just ONE? How can we simply choose just ONE?

My mind becomes so consumed with 'what can I do'? I suppose it's finding a cause you're passionate about...right?

I recently watched a film called "Freedom Writers"; I am moved by films such as these; real-life stories of people who choose to make a difference with what they are passionate about...I recommend it...it takes place after the L.A. Riots, where cultural differences clashed and fear and frustration caused hatred and racism.

The film tells the stories of teens in a racially divided place and time, just trying to make it through high school; and, a teacher who wants nothing more to see them all get there...she makes sacrifices so that these teens have a future, so that they have a voice...it's rather remarkable what she does and ultimately, what the kids learn, and CHOOSE to become...

Check out the Freedom Writers Foundation to read more about this amazing story...

Be Who We Are?

"We dream of hope, we dream of change…so much struggle for meaning, for purpose, and only in the end do we find it in each other…in the fantastic, in the mundane, the simple human need to find a kindred, and to know in the end that we are not alone…and that all we need is each other…"

Why do we look down on others? Why do we look at people and judge them? Why do we feel the need to fit in to what the world wants us to? Why do we hurt people that are different – those that don’t fit the mold? I mean really, what is the mold? Why can’t we just be who we are…who God intended us to be? So many questions, so few answers…

We wonder how long life can go so endlessly…never understanding the essence of why we are the way we are…is it merely human nature? I don’t understand any of it…

Pay if Forward...

What would you do if you didn’t have much time left to live?

What would you try to do for someone else if you knew they didn’t have much time to live?

I frequently read a blog provided by CNN, called Young People Who Rock. Today, I read quite a remarkable story about a young man named Darius and his close friend Logan. See, Darius has a deteriorative disorder called Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. It basically attacks a person’s muscles, ultimately attacking the most important, including the heart and lungs.

So, when Darius told his friends, including his friend Logan, he wanted to see parts of the country he had never seen before, Logan and Weems’ other college-aged friends decided to take him…west!

How remarkable is that? With that act of love from a FRIEND, Weems’ has traveled throughout the western half of the nation, seeing things he never thought he would. The group decided to document the adventure and today, it’s an award-winning documentary called Darius Goes West.

I truly was amazed by this story, by this act of kindness and friendship towards another.

I wonder…what if we ALL decided to make a choice like that for someone else? Can you imagine the kind of impact you could have…even if it’s for ONE person? Changing one person’s life is only the beginning…you never know what that person might do for someone else, in light of what you’ve done for them...

...I guess you could say it's like the 'Pay it Forward' idea...where one act of kindness spawns another...and another...and another...what a thought...

No sleep...BABIES too!

Hmmm...can't sleep again...

Anyway...thinking a lot about babies lately...yeah, me...babies! It's really weird to think about the idea of Jason and I being parents...It could be really a great thing, right?

Well...the idea of a baby is amazing in itself, I guess I just never imagined myself, being a parent. I suppose there is something innate in all of us, that desires to take care of something, hence, the motherly instinct and fatherly instinct...

The thing is...sometimes I think we are formulated to think that that is the course in which we should ALL travel...yet...what about those men and women who can't have children? It's not their fault...I really want to adopt, but am I 'missing out' if I can have my own children?

I suppose the way I look at it is that if God wants to bless us with a child, then that would be a wonderful gift...but if not, then I want nothing more than to give a child that doesn't have a mother or father, a home to call their own...that too, would be an amazing gift...

I don't know...sometimes I think I'm a little weird the way I think...UGH!

Can't Sleep...

I can't sleep tonight...I think it might be a combination of my insomnia, my constant thinking, and the two cups of coffee I drank at 8 o' clock...

Nonetheless, I can't seem to turn my brain off...it is ALWAYS churning, with thoughts about life; thoughts about my life...

There are a multitude of them tonight...

Like grace, passion, failure, and freedom...we take so many things for granted sometimes. I don't think we realize the freedoms and opportunities we DO have. I'm amazed by the idea of freedom, yet it's the very thing that I probably take most for granted. What if I couldn't write freely as I'm doing now? What if I couldn't dress comfortably like I do daily? What if I had to live in constant fear because of a war-torn terrain? We are so blessed...I am so blessed...think about freedom differently...think of it as a privilege, something you earn, rather than something you think you deserve...

Moving on...

Grace is one of those amazing phenomenons...God amazes me because of the abundant grace He gives...He doesn't have to, but he does, time-and-time again...be graceful the next time you don't feel like it...show mercy to someone that might not deserve it, but needs it...

...

So what do you think about passion? Do we really understand the meaning of the word? The best definition, in my opinion of passion is the following: 'strong amorous feeling or desire'. I think we all have it...whether it's in our profession, or a hobby, even in relationships. Perhaps passion is something we are born with, it's innate in each of us...or maybe we learn it...I don't really know...I think Jesus was passionate about PEOPLE when he was here on earth. It was obvious don't you think? Gosh...if we could all have passion like that in our relationships...in our relationship with Him...

...

Failure is probably the worst word in the English language. Being 'unsuccessful' at something makes life a little harder to live...although, I've come to the realization that failing makes me want to try harder...sometimes it's necessary, to get right back up, and start it all again...I think failing gives way for triumph if we can just get back on our feet after the 'lack of success' the first time...

Hmmm...

So many things running through my head...I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes...It just never stops...

Well...perhaps I should try to close my eyes again...

Be blessed...

Flowing River

This is a poem I wrote some time ago for a close friend, who just really reminded me of a river, that never stops, but its beauty stays intact, despite that constant movement...

A flowing river;
It never stops, and never moves in the same direction
New things are always uncovered and old things remain deep within,
It travels straight ahead to its destination, but oddly enough it stays in the same place forever
The heart of the river is the middle, where it stops to breathe, it takes its fears and worries and spreads them in one direction or the other
Never letting one side take on too much
It then flows back again, to its roots where it knows which way to go
Everything is once calm again and the river flows smoothly

You my friend are that river
The river that flows with uncertainty at times and never in the same direction
Uncovering new things around each bend of life,
But never forgetting the roots that have been embedded deep within

You are forever grounded by the one thing that makes you, you
Your faith in the Creator of the Universe

Your fears and worries are never too much to handle
This you know, because of the One who fashioned you
The storm that rages within is once again calm
Your life, once again runs like the smooth flowing river

Keep going, like the river, never stop
Press on toward the goal to win the prize,
A life like that of the river
Moving always and never forgotten

Copyright ©2005 Emily R. Allison

The Leader in All of Us...

I'm definitely sick of mediocre...have you ever felt like that? I'm tired of people who ALWAYS follow and NEVER lead. What are we, puppets? I don't think so...

I believe that we are ALL called to be leaders; sometimes behind the scenes, sometimes for all to see; but it's in the little things that we can find strength, we can find our voice, and ultimately, find the leader that is dying to get out!

In the Heart of the World

I’ve been thinking about Mother Theresa lately. I suppose I’ve always been fascinated with her life, her amazingly selfless life.

What a remarkable woman she was. She never wanted to be recognized, but her compassion couldn’t go unnoticed. What a TRUE woman of character and humility; what a TRUE woman of beauty and grace…

There is a book I’m reading called “In the Heart of the World”. It’s compiled with thoughts, stories, and prayers that Mother Theresa once wrote. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to read the words of such a TRUE servant of Christ; a TRUE depiction of what we ALL should strive to attain: TRUE Selflessness and Sacrifice.

The following are just a few excerpts that I can’t but help, share with you:

“We will never know how much just a simple smile will do.”

“…be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today, let us begin.”

“In the silence of the heart, God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.

“Like Jesus, we belong to the whole world, living not for ourselves, but for others. The joy of the Lord is our strength.”

“Seeking the face of God in everything, everyone, everywhere, all the time, and seeing His hand in every happening – that is contemplation in the heart of the world.”

“Every act of love is a work of peace, no matter how small.”

“There are many people who can do big things, but there are very few people who will do the small things.”

“Love, to be real, must cost – it must hurt – it must empty us of self.”

“I feel that we too often focus on the negative aspects of life, on what is bad. If we were more willing to see the good and the beautiful things that surround us, we would be able to transform our families. From there, we would change our next-door neighbors or city. We would be able to bring peace and love to our world, which hungers so much for these things.”

“There are thousands of people dying for a piece of bread. There are thousands upon thousands who die for a little bit of love. My thoughts often run to you who suffer, and I offer your sufferings, which are so great, while mine are so small. Those of you, who are sick, when things are hard, take refuge in Christ’s heart. There my own heart will find with you strength and love.”

I wonder what it would be like if we lived in a world, where ALL people saw others the way Mother Theresa did…

…the way Jesus continues to SEE each one of us? I’m amazed that He still loves us…that He still loves me…